Dear Undergraduate Never feel the need to ‘fit in’

If

you ever feel the need to be accepted
somewhere, this one’s for you.
One of you probably faced at some point, or are
still facing, is the strong need to fit in. You’re not
alone. Most people feel the same way. Most
people feel inadequate and feel the need to belong
with something, to belong to someone.
The problem with this is that it makes you
vulnerable.
I’ll give you an instance.
A girl is in her first year in school. Everyone, all of
her friends are in relationships, and she’s not in
one. So for some reason, she feels the need not to
be the one with the problem. She gives the boy a
chance, possibly even lowering what might be her
standards.
Over to our boy here. Our boy stays with a lot of
other boys, who talk about escapades, like all the
time. Everyone is bragging in their stories about
the things they’ve done. Most of it will probably be
a lie.
He wants to be in a relationship just like the boys,
just so he can brag about making her fall. So he
goes for her, she falls for him. In a few months, he
feels like he’s done, he’s bored. But he has stories
too now, and he moves on, leaving our girl
shattered.
Most of the things that go wrong in school come
from a need to feel accepted. It’s a human need.
Most human beings are wired to be part of a
community. The feeling of belonging to something.
Learn to control it. You need to start convincing
yourself that you’re enough. You’re enough by
yourself. You don’t need anyone to make you feel
whole.
And let’s say you decide to belong somewhere.
When you choose, don’t think about how it makes
you feel at the moment. Think about how it will
make you feel in a year, or two, or the rest of your
life.
Think long term.
Remember, you’re fine. You’re alright. You’re not
the one with the problem. In a race of dogs, a
Cheetah has no need to run. It has nothing to
prove.
Be that Cheetah. Run your own race, not anybody
else’s.